Convincing Parents to Move Into a Retirement Home: A Delicate yet Essential Task

The decision to move a parent into a retirement home or care facility is often a sensitive and complex process. While it can offer many benefits such as professional care and companionship, it also involves a significant adjustment for the individual and their family. Understanding the key factors and strategies for making this transition smoother is crucial for all involved.

Why Move a Parent?

The reasons for moving a parent into a retirement home can vary. It could be for the convenience of the family, or it might be due to the specific healthcare needs of the parent that can only be met in a professional setting. The decision is not without its challenges, but with the right approach, it can be an empowering step for the parent.

One common scenario is the modern family situation where the responsibility of caring for an aging parent is shared among siblings. Ensuring that the move is seen as a positive and voluntary decision for the parent is pivotal. A collaborative approach, involving shared decision-making, can significantly ease the transition. This involves parents being fully aware of the benefits and being reassured of their continued support from family members.

Encouraging Your Parent to Move

Encouraging your parent to move into a retirement home requires a blended approach of knowledge, patience, and empathy. Start by gathering information about the facilities and discussing the benefits with your parent. It’s important to present the facts clearly and use a gentle, supportive tone.

Assure your parent that they will continue to have regular visits from family members. Emphasizing the financial affordability and security of the new residence can be crucial. If your parent has friends at the facility, highlight their presence and the welcoming atmosphere it might provide. Encouragement from peers can be a significant motivator for the parent.

The Importance of Patience and Understanding

Children often see a decline in their parent's abilities as a sign of inevitable decline, but many times, this is merely a result of a decline in their interests. This is a common and often unrecognized phenomenon. Your parent might have been fiercely independent and active, but as they age, their values and priorities may shift. For example, your parent may have maintained a spotless home, but as they age, they may prioritize peace and comfort over perfection.

Consider the case of your parent, who once valued a spotless home. As they reached 75, her priorities shifted significantly. She no longer cared about minor upkeep issues and even remarked that when she was gone, the next owner would find the work requiring attention. This phase can last for a decade or more, during which they continue to live in their own terms. However, at a certain point, such as when memory loss becomes a safety issue, a decision may need to be made in the best interest of the parent.

When faced with resistance, consider the question: "Do you trust your children?" A unified decision from the children can often carry more weight. Addressing the parent's sense of trust and autonomy can be a powerful motivator for them to reconsider the move.

A Closer Look at Quality of Care in Retirement Homes

While the move itself can be beneficial, it’s essential to understand the quality of care provided in these facilities. The reality is that many retirement homes and care facilities are understaffed, which can lead to a compromised quality of care. The focus on profitability can mean reduced staffing, leading to overworked and underresourced care staff.

Family members often add video surveillance to protect their loved ones from potential abuses. However, the true issue lies in the high patient loads faced by the care staff, leaving them frazzled and unable to provide the high-quality, personalized care that patients deserve. Elderly individuals long for genuine, unhurried human interaction, instead, they are often left with a television set and a limited circle of acquaintances.

The heritage and history of the elderly are often left untold, as these individuals pass away, carrying their stories with them. The friends and family members left behind are left with the weight of not sharing these rich life stories.

To move a parent into a retirement home or care facility, it's crucial to be informed about the realities of these facilities. Ensure that the facility you choose has adequate staffing, quality care, and a supportive environment that caters to your parent's individual needs and personality.