The Menace of Mental Illness Diagnosing: Why Society Blames Others

Why do so many individuals turn to diagnosing their ex-partners with mental illnesses to excuse their hurtful behaviors and avoid taking personal responsibility? This article explores the underlying reasons and societal trends that contribute to this phenomenon. From childhood programming to seeking closure, the article delves into the misconceptions and societal behaviors that perpetuate this practice.

Early Childhood Programming and Fear

From a young age, we are groomed to form certain beliefs and fears. One common example is the fear of spiders. As children, spiders may seem harmless, but a single traumatic experience, such as overhearing a loud, alarming scream from a parent about a spider, can alter our perception. This fear is often instilled by someone else, and it can lead to lifelong anxieties. Similarly, many individuals today find themselves diagnosing their ex-partners with various mental illnesses to cope with the emotional pain and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Blaming Others for Relationship Failures

Diagnosing a former partner with a psychological disorder provides an excuse for the toxic nature of the relationship. By doing so, individuals can avoid taking responsibility for their part in the breakdown of the relationship. The idea that their ex-partner had a personality disorder (PD) justifies their actions and explains why they fell for them in the first place. For example, a charming and manipulative ex-partner might be easier to overlook when scrutinizing one's own choices and behaviors.

The Pursuit of Closure

The concept of 'closure' is often misunderstood. People often believe that resolving every unknown detail is necessary to move on from their past. However, true progress involves either acceptance or emotional detachment. A tendency to magnify the other person's faults or label them with a diagnosis is a manifestation of confirmation bias. Instead of accepting the situation and moving forward, individuals find it easier to blame the other party and rationalize their own behavior.

Avoiding Personal Responsibility

Our society increasingly shifts the blame away from individual actions. It is much easier to attribute one's pain and struggles to external factors rather than personal shortcomings. The mentality of placing the entire blame on the other person is prevalent in statements like "my ex was a psychopath" or "they have a XYZ disorder." This behavior not only absolves individuals of personal responsibility but also contributes to a cycle of oversimplification and oversensitive labeling.

Conclusion

While there are undoubtedly cases of genuine abuse and mental health issues, it is essential to recognize that many individuals use these labels as a defense mechanism. True healing and growth come from introspection and self-awareness, rather than deflecting blame onto others. Understanding and accepting past experiences without exonerating oneself is the key to true closure and moving forward.

It is crucial to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, recognizing the complexity of relationships and emotions. Instead of seeking quick, easy solutions, we must engage in nuanced discussions and recognize the importance of personal responsibility in our lives.